My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
