I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize