Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
