Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
