We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
