So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
