and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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