Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
