And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
