Got a toothbrush?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
