dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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