But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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