sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
