Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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