You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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