i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
