he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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