Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
