My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
