Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
