jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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