Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
