It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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