Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
