I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
