Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
