I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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