Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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