So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
