I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
