But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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