I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
