Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
