the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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