i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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