Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
