and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
