Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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