he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
