you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
