yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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