I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
