No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need to sanitize my soul.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
