I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
