Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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