So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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