and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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