im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
