dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
