Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
