do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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