I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
