I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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