I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
