If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i think my cat just said my name.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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