That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
