sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
