My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
