how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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