we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
