As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
