i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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