Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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