I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
