The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My ass is underappreciated
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
