Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize