It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
