i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
