You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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