whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
