u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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